The Day I Stopped Being Pretty by Rodney Lofton

Author:Rodney Lofton
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2007-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

I arrived at work the next morning, as always 8:15 precisely. By nine o’clock everyone in my department knew that I was gay. I tried to apologize to Rocky but he was not having it. He was pissed that he was placed in such a situation, one that I never thought would happen. As the day continued, I could hear the mailroom guys outside my cubicle make comments about what happened and there was nothing I could do. Eventually, my supervisor called me into her office to tell me to stop talking about my lifestyle. But I hadn’t said a word, someone else had.

Now some would say that I was stupid for taking him back after everything, but I did. I didn’t know any better. I was a grown man, yet I was still acting like a child searching for love. Of all the men in my life, Allen was the only one who showed me any semblance of love, or what I perceived to be love. Although the four years had become an emotional roller coaster, he gave me more in those four years than my father ever had. We had to work it out. I couldn’t stand losing someone else if I could prevent it.

I eventually lost him. I lost him to the newest face and the freshest piece of ass that stepped off the bus in Richmond. By this time, Allen was doing everything right once again. He started to be more caring, more patient, more understanding. All the while, he was weaving this spider web for me to become entangled. And I did just that. When I officially lost him, I also lost me.

Little did I know or want to believe, Allen was still sleeping with me and whispering sweet nothings in my ear at night. On the nights we were not together, he was doing the same with the new face from the Trailways bus depot. I thought to myself, How fucking stupid can you be? How much more are you going to take? I realized that I couldn’t do it anymore.

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